So, something happened that you were so afraid: your child smokes. You smelled tobacco on his clothes, found a cigarette lighter in your jacket pocket and said to yourself: "This is an accident, his friends smoke, I know my child."
And the number of "evidence" rolls over, deceive yourself no longer work. You will have to come to terms with the fact that your child smokes and with what you may not know all about him.
Why?
Many parents make a big mistake trying to help stop smoking to their children. Instead of fighting the effect, they begin to actively look for the cause. A caring parent thinks that if he understands why the child started smoking, he can quickly rid him of his bad habit. This method is fundamentally wrong. First of all, the reasons why teenagers start to smoke are often trivial: appear more mature, not get out of the “party”, attract the attention of their peers, satisfy their interest. Believe me, even if you are called one hundred percent reason why your child is addicted to smoking, this will not help you to correct the situation.
What to do?
First of all, you must understand: adolescents are well aware of the dangers of smoking. They know that it is dangerous that you can get lung cancer. You can tell your daughter as much as you like that “boys don't like girls who smoke” - she sees completely different examples in school and on the street. You can convince your son that “only weak men and losers smoke” - he sees in his environment smoking guys who seem to be adults and strong. You must understand that you will not achieve anything with threats, intimidation and stories about why smoking is bad.
To help your child, you must change methods. Imagine that in front of you is not a child, but your adult girlfriend or friend. What do you think, will the arguments affect him or her: “you won't like men”, “you can get sick and die”. Of course not. Because you have a person with a formed worldview. Your teenage child is also a man with his own view of the world. He lives in society and has his own idea of what is right and what is not. This view may be erroneous, it will change with the stages of maturation. But at this stage the teenager is sure that he is right. He thinks he knows everything and understands everything, so he will dismiss your advice if they go against the fact that he sees around.
What is the parent's challenge?
First of all, you should know the maximum information about the environment of your child. After all, the environment affects him the most. Who are his friends? Whose opinion is he considered to be? What people seeks to be friends with? How does he see his future? It is to these questions that the parent must look for answers to help the child get rid of addiction. When you know what he lives and how he breathes, you will have an influence on him. Only by adjusting the environment of a teenager, you will help him to quit smoking.
Remember that it is impossible to achieve a change of environment by force. Your bans will not work. Look for something to interest your child. Take a closer look at his hobbies and help develop in the chosen direction. “Bad company” and bad habits will be eliminated by themselves, if there is no time left for them.
Your main goal is not to make the child quit smoking, but to help him decide in life, to find his place. Smoking is an attempt by a teenager to declare independence, one of the stages of finding oneself. You know that this stage is wrong. So help your child find the right path. Help him find his goal and tell him how to go to it.
About a personal example
Of course, no one has canceled a personal example. A teenager will not respect you simply for being his parent. He is already old enough to evaluate others by actions. And parents are no exception. Try to analyze yourself. Are you proud of yourself, your achievements? What can you teach your child?
Do not think that the child’s respect for the parent is developed by itself. You had absolute authority when your child was 5 years old. Now everything has changed. A teenager who only learns the adult world, it is important to understand that his parents occupy some place in this world, that they are happy in this place and self-confident. It inspires trust and respect.
Some practical tips:
1. Do not make a tantrum. Hysterical and swearing has not saved a single teenager from falling into bad company and bad habits. Take a pause to cope with emotions. Think about the mistakes you made as a parent, whether you paid enough attention to your child.
2. If you smoke. If someone in your family smokes, use the situation as an excuse to give up the bad habit together. Talk to your child honestly and tell them that it will also be very difficult for you to give up your addiction. Be sincere and do not lie, smoking in secret.
3. Regime of the day. Plan your teen's day routine so that there is no time for stupid things. You have to choose classes for the child that will be of interest to him, and not to you. So you will make it clear that you consider his opinion and give the right to choose.
4. Sport. Talk to a teenager and find out what kinds of sports he likes. The ideal option would be the sports section, because there the child will fall into another environment where it is not fashionable to smoke, where other qualities are held in high esteem.
5. Confidence. Radiate confidence and optimism. Let the teenager know that smoking upsets you, but you believe that he will cope with this problem. Let him feel that you respect him and consider him capable and talented. Do not be afraid to praise him for achievements and develop confidence in him.
It would seem that everything is simple. But in reality, the implementation of these tips, for some parents, becomes an impossible task. This is because it is very difficult for us to change ourselves. Easy to see someone else's flaw. And to take and change your own life is difficult. But the happiness of children and the whole family is a worthy reward. Do not be afraid to fight for it and do not give up in front of difficulties.
