Change for a man is possible, but is it necessary? Is the game worth the candle? And does your chosen one deserve this?
During my first serious relationship, the young man was categorically opposed to me wearing pants or jeans. Every time I put them on, he poured a glass of water on my feet. Creating discomfort for me, he tried to raise me in this way. However, if I went on a date in a dress or skirt — there was no praise or compliments — it was my duty, not a concession to him. My indulgence to his whims ended with the fact that I, even in winter, in severe frost, wore mini-skirts. And, as a result, frequent colds and problems along the female line. Relations with this man ended for another reason, but I still have the habit of indulging in men. Until the claims of the new lover began. And this experience has changed me.
Everything began with us very rosy: sincere conversations until the morning in the kitchen, constant flowers and gifts. Increasingly, he began to stay with me overnight. We practically lived together. And the closer we got - the more he had complaints about me. And, most strangely, not in everyday life, but to my appearance. This is despite the fact that we had known each other for 10 years before the start of our relationship.
The first thing I went for was weight correction, in other words, losing weight. It was spring and the weight left by itself, because it didn’t make much trouble for me. But with the onset of autumn, with the cold came back and weight. And he began to point out roughly my hips, and the need to change something. I tried very hard for him, because I started eating much less.
* The photo is not HE, do not flatter yourself ... 
In parallel with the claims to weight, there was also dissatisfaction with my hair. My hair is curled by nature and I always gave them even greater volume, winding. At the dawn of our relationship, I always wore curls. And over time, I learned that my hairstyle, it turns out, is dreadful and everything around me straightens hair with irons, and I twist it, which is unstable, unfashionable and not at all youthful. After a couple of weeks of this terror, I started straightening my hair ...
* something like this ... 🙂
My friends did not recognize me. But not only because of the dramatic change of hair, but also because we practically stopped seeing each other. After all, the closest friends for me were not pleasing to him, and each meeting with them ended in a scandal. He did not understand what I could talk to them about, and why I needed them. I understood perfectly why, but I chose him.
It is worth mentioning that claims were not limited to excess weight and hair. One day, the campaign began to change the shape of my eyebrows and nails. It got to the point that he personally took the tweezers and began to pull out my eyebrows, giving a shape that suits him. The question of nails was raised every time he looked at my hands. I explained the adequate length by constant work on the keyboard, trying to make it clear that it would be difficult to work with long claws. But he did not want to hear anything.
* Here is his ideal, obviously! 🙂
He continued to bend his line, and I - to ignore his requests. “The more attention you pay to your appearance, the brighter it will show your love for me” - a standard phrase addressed to me. Just did not avoid his claim and my wardrobe. From the old had to be abandoned, the new one - to coordinate only with him, while buying only items of prestigious brands (of course at his own expense).
Do you like it? 🙂 Me too ...
The last straw was boorish attacks on my walk. It seemed to him that while walking I didn’t put my legs very evenly. And if he saw that I was going to meet him in the wrong way, he would start yelling, and after that he would not talk to me the whole evening. And so it was repeated every time we went somewhere together. Well, I could not change the campaign, physically could not. He did not understand this, but my sense of guilt grew and progressed. He pressed, and I - sagged. It was a dog for training and "girl whipping." One team - completed, a new task - did, he gave all new instructions, and I - embodied them into reality. I thought it was for our relationship, that it would be right. And he, like Masha in the cartoon: “Teddy bear, I will not be enough!”
I stopped changing for his sake and allow myself to be trained when I asked myself two questions. First: "Why did he start dating with me, since I'm not so pretty?" Really, I for him - like a used car? Type: take, repair, redo and will ride. But man is not a car. He has a soul, but, unfortunately, not always a normal self-esteem. The second question was: "For all this time, have I ever asked him to change something?" With that, a lot of things did not suit me - I was silent, I perceived, and, most importantly, I accepted the person as it is. Having received the answers, I myself broke off this relationship. After them, I had only new complexes and a firm belief that changing for the partner endlessly is not the way out. This neither you nor he shows love and respect for each other. You show your low self-esteem, and he - the consumer and despotic attitude.
Although not, apart from complexes and confidence, I also had a precious experience: I began to learn to appreciate myself, and to answer all censures: "I do not like? Find the best. Happiness to you!"
